The Princess Tails

The Musings of Zena, a Tibetan Terrier sharing her life and wisdom with Raffles, a Standard Poodle


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Raffy Speaks Out

Hmm.

It has come to my attention that I have been mocked steadily by the self styled Princess in this blog and I thought it was time that you heard my side of the story.

I have listened to my uncle who is a Risk Director and I have learnt a great deal.

I see the danger and I’m not afraid to admit that if I’m honest it scares the fur off me!

The Princess is so blasé. She doesn’t see the danger out there. She thinks she is invulnerable and trots around with her tail in the air. So it is left to me to look ahead, look behind, fret and generally try to spot the hazards.

Survival is an exhausting job. I believe I am noble to take it on. We who live on the edge, who make the world more secure for others are so unappreciated.

Do you know how many hidden dangers there are in the world? A simple walk to the park is anything but. However if you listen to The Princess you’d think otherwise. You would be wise to listen to me.

I am a finely honed machine. I am ready and coiled. The moment danger strikes I am gone. Cowardly do I hear you say? A survivor I say.

Let me explain a few things to you sceptics. I go to the park and often I take my ball (no jokes about it being pink please, I also have an orange one). I am an equal opportunist, gender neutral poodle. I didn’t have a choice about that latter fact!

Raffy & ball

See my watchful stance – that ball is mine, all mine.

Anyway, as I was saying. I go to the park with my ball. Fun you think? Playtime? Let me tell you something. I have to be alert every moment.

At any time that ball can be taken from me by a limber labrador or a conniving cavalier. I have even had it taken by my own pals when I was distracted by a treat. A cunning tactic used by their owners to leave me vulnerable. It is a NERVE WRACKING experience.

Even when I go home with the ball it requires all my guile to hide it from thieves.

Hiding ball

A cunning hiding place. My bed. Who would think to look there.

Next I have to worry about desertion. Every moment I am trying to enjoy my breakfast I am aware that one of the adults could sneak out without my protection and venture into the great outdoors to who knows where. And then of course if I leave my food to check on them The Princess swoops in and eats it. I get no peace.

Towards the end of the day there is worse to come. I have to fight my way through dinner. I eat in a dignified fashion. The Princess, who has inhaled her meal, lies watching my every move and daring me to finish. My nerves are shot by the time the meal is ended.

And as for her accusations that she has to lead the way in new or scary places I readily concur. I am not afraid to admit that I do allow her to go ahead of me.

Firstly, you try stopping her.

Secondly, it is only sensible.

Stay behind your friends

My place. Right behind The Princess and able to escape at a moments notice.

You do not allow your best asset to get captured or damaged.

If I get trapped in a small laundry or slippery floors who is going to get me out? I can’t be picked up like she can.

I need to be free to show the others where the exits are.

It makes sense for her to go first and to leave me with my superior intellect to be behind guiding her.

Protection

And anyway, as you can see from the picture above I pay her protection. Look closely and you can see the biscuits I put on my table for her to enjoy when I have finished eating. That is our arrangement and I find it unfair that she should mock me when she has agreed to it.

What you must remember is that we live in a very dangerous part of the world. We have the huntsman spiders. Why are they called huntsman. I will leave you to work that one out. Obvious.

My cousin got trapped behind the barbecue with one of these once. He told me all about it and I’ve never gone near that part of the garden again.

And at night we have these, the ring tailed possums. Hundreds of them run over the roof at night. I think our house is a possum freeway.

Yes, I know they look like they are cute and cuddly but I can assure you they are not. If you heard their sinister hisses at night and heard the shrieks as they battle each other in the garden you would not fall for their ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ routine. They do bite, The Princess has told me all about them and she wouldn’t lie………Or would she?

Trickery. That’s another one I have to look out for now.

All in all I work extremely hard in this family to be the one who sheds light on potentially hazardous situations.

I am very aware of any suspicious people or dogs following me when we are out for a walk. I like to move to the side and let them get ahead of me so I am ready to react if I need to.

And I never mix with dogs I do not know or one who is not known by a pal. Everybody understands about stranger danger.

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Stranger alert!! Who is this tiny doppelganger? It turned out to be my new cousin but….. better to be cautious than sorry.

I like to have the doors locked and the electronic gates closed.

I do not like to draw attention to myself but it is hard being such a big good looking guy.

Handsome Raffy

Well aren’t I gorgeous?

I avoid going out at night unless it is with The Princess as a decoy.

Dark

Fear of the dark

I bet one of those furry big eyed possums things are out there….waiting.

I am also very suspicious of new items that appear in the house or garden. I know where everything belongs and if it’s out of place I am suspicious. There was a plant pot that caused me great concern a few years ago, fortunately due to my vigilance Dad went up to it and I knew that it was safe because he wasn’t blown up.

Then there is the table that Mum uses for her iPad which often threatens to leap out and bop me on the nose. I get out of the way when she has that out. And now she has started using a magnetic board for one of her projects. When she picks that up I’m off.

I could go on but I don’t have the time to outline all the threats. After all don’t they say that most accidents occur in the home? I have to be vigilant whilst The Princess sleeps on.

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But if you find yourself in danger I have found two very useful ploys to get out of trouble:

Play dead

Play Dead

Convincing yes?

Then Run

RUN

I am a blur of speeding poodle

Take care and keep safe. Raffy, Security Advisor to The Princess

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6 Comments

The Most Loved Princess

Ha!

The big boy had a birthday and guess what?

THEY FORGOT 🙂

They didn’t remember until two days later. Not like my birthday when Mum bought me a new collar. turns out it wasn’t right, they couldn’t get it to fit quite perfectly but at least I got something.

The Hulk got nothing.

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5 years old

I haven’t told him. I’m not that mean. Well. I might tell him sometime, especially if he throws up in my bed again. Then I’ll tell him.

He is now 5. By Mum’s chart that means he is about 36 people years.

As I’ve mentioned before, I think he should be thinking about moving out and looking after himself but of course they won’t hear of it. I guess he would be pretty useless.

I can’t believe he’s been around, a thorn in my side, for almost five years.

I suppose he does have his uses. I wouldn’t want you to think I totally dislike him. It’s more indifference with the rare moment of irritation and the even rarer moment of appreciation.

He is useful at night or when Mum goes out because I don’t like being completely alone.

He’s quite useful in the car although I have to be careful he doesn’t fall on me because he seems to prefer to take most journeys, even long ones, standing up which can be a bit scary.

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Totally unaware of his birthday. 

He can have his uses if we need to go away to holiday camp (aka Kennels), though mostly it’s me reassuring him. He doesn’t eat when we’re away so if I’m cunning I can get two meals, though I do think they were on to me last time.

He’s quite good when my nails are broken and bleeding because he licks them and keeps them clean whilst I lie on Mum with her rubbing my tummy. Equal to a health spa really.

He can be quite useful when we’re out because other dogs take one look at his size and tend not to want to engage him in anything other than friendly terms. Of course, once again if one is more aggressive it’s me that has to chase them off. He just runs away.

Best of all his uses is when he leaves me his biscuits which he does on a regular basis. Mum picks up his dish so I don’t get to them, but we have an arrangement. He always takes out a few and drops them on his table (yes, he eats from a table…sigh).

I think just on that fact alone he’s worth keeping around. Otherwise he’s dead space. A huge amount of dead space.

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Love from the best loved Princess.