I am Zena. The Princess.
Many of you know me through the blog of Zac the All Black. I am his niece and the one he named Princess. The name has stuck and since he has crossed over the rainbow bridge I wear it with a certain amount of pride.
Zac and his Beloved blogged together for only a short time. I slipped in and guest blogged a couple of times when Zac wasn’t looking. That was fun but I am not sure if his Beloved and I will be able to work together in the same way. She and Zac had a special relationship and it doesn’t come around all the time. I accept that, I too had a special relationship with him which another dog could not fill.
I am not sure if this blog is just a start or is in fact an end. Zac’s pals out there have been so supportive and his Beloved and I were very moved by the tributes and comments which his passing caused.
We want to say thank you and we still want to keep up with all of you, but seeing Zac’s picture on the comments didn’t seem right. So I have volunteered, not to take his place, but to continue the contact he made with each one of you and we will see where it goes from there.
She and I have to work out our relationship now without Zac. Often I would demand his Beloved’s attention only to make him jealous, though he didn’t usually mind.
I did a lot of things to annoy him and now he is gone and I miss him so much. I didn’t really manage to irritate him with my pranks. He was so tolerant and gentle with me. He was the wise Tibbie. He was the thinker and his paws are big ones to try and fill. So I won’t try.
I am The Princess. The one who he shook his head over. The one who was always young when he was around. I am not sure who I am now and I will have to discover that now.
I never thought there would be a time when I would be without him. To be honest, I never thought.
From the beginning he taught me what was expected of me in the family. He taught me the routine.
He taught me to run when the front door opened and if we were lucky we might get out of the gate and have to be chased, that was fun.
He taught me to sit and wait for treats at a certain time.
He taught me to bark at the bad guys and the horses on the television.
He taught me to run and get a toy to greet his Beloved with in the morning.
He taught me to sleep cuddled up together after a haircut to keep warm and so many other things.
I used to plague him to play with me and eventually he would give in.
I would run away from him at the dog park and he be forced to follow me to keep me safe.
I would pretend to see something on the television to make him jump down from his Beloved’s lap and then I would take his place!
I was the fun one in the family. The one who had no worries and no thoughts beyond the moment.
Not any more.
I knew Zac was struggling with pain but when he left me I was devastated and lost. His Beloved was so upset we just held each other and cried. For the first few nights I couldn’t sleep and I spent the nights crying until I became so upset I howled. His Beloved got up to comfort me. She was lucky, she has her beloved to hold her, I had no-one.
It has been a week now and the aching, raw pain has eased a bit. I am doing more with his Beloved than I used to. I sleep outside their bedroom door and I can hear them breath at night which helps me.
I go in the car to the shops rather than stay in the house by myself. I have even walked to the village but that upset all of us because we knew how much Zac would have loved it.
I am having to grow up and think about things a little more. At the dog park I don’t leave his Beloved, I don’t feel safe yet. I am not sure if I ever will.
In the evenings there is no competition for his Beloved’s lap, but I only sit on her for a short time. Somehow even her cuddles aren’t the same without Zac. And although I watch the television I haven’t the heart to run and bark at the things I see because I know he isn’t with me and most of the fun was winding him up!
I am forced to reflect that I did not give him a very peaceful time and I am sorry for that.
His Beloved is finding the house very quiet with just me. I know that, but at the moment I cannot be happy and bouncy and I am not even interested in treats or dinner. Everyone tells me it will come. I am in no hurry.
I know that his Beloved and I see Zac in many places around the house, the garden and even the dog park. We would give anything to have him walk through that door but he will not.
I know he has gone before me over that rainbow bridge and one day I will catch up with him again and then I will feel whole once more. I will be able to tease him and this time, because he will not have pain, he will be able to chase me like he could when I was a pup. And if there are television screens over the rainbow bridge I know he will be watching one of his favourite shows, ‘Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.’
In the meantime his Beloved and I have to readjust. Have to get used to the silence and have to learn to work together – just us – alone.