The Princess Tails

The Musings of Zena, a Tibetan Terrier sharing her life and wisdom with Raffles, a Standard Poodle

The First Week Without Zac

18 Comments

I am Zena. The Princess.

Many of you know me through the blog of Zac the All Black. I am his niece and the one he named Princess. The name has stuck and since he has    crossed over the rainbow bridge I wear it with a certain amount of pride.

Zac and his Beloved blogged together for only a short time. I slipped in and guest blogged a couple of times when Zac wasn’t looking. That was fun    but I am not sure if his Beloved and I will be able to work together in the same way. She and Zac had a special relationship and it doesn’t come around all the time. I accept that, I too had a special relationship with him which another dog could not fill.

I am not sure if this blog is just a start or is in fact an end.  Zac’s pals out there have been so supportive and his Beloved and I were very moved by the tributes and comments which his passing caused.

We want to say thank you and we still want to keep up with all of you, but seeing Zac’s picture on the comments  didn’t seem right. So I have volunteered, not to take his place, but to continue the contact he made with each one of you and we will see where it goes from there.

She and I have to work out our relationship now without Zac. Often I would demand his Beloved’s attention only to make him jealous, though he didn’t usually mind.

I did a lot of things to annoy him and now he is gone and I miss him so much. I didn’t really manage to irritate him with my pranks. He was so tolerant and gentle with me. He was the wise Tibbie. He was the thinker and his paws are big ones to try and fill. So I won’t try.

I am The Princess. The one who he shook his head over. The one who was always young when he was around. I am not sure who I am now and I will have to discover that now.

I never thought there would be a time when I would be without him. To be honest, I never thought.

From the beginning he taught me what was expected of me in the family. He taught me the routine.

He taught me to run when the front door opened and if we were lucky we might get out of the gate and have to be chased, that was fun.

He taught me to sit and wait for treats at a certain time.

He taught me to bark at the bad guys and the horses on the television.

He taught me to run and get a toy to greet his Beloved with in the morning.

He taught me to sleep cuddled up together after a haircut to keep warm and so many other things.

I used to plague him to play with me and eventually he would give in.

I would run away from him at the dog park and he be forced to follow me to keep me safe.

I would pretend to see something on the television to make him jump down from his Beloved’s lap and then I would take his place!

I was the fun one in the family. The one who had no worries and no thoughts beyond the moment.

Not any more.

I knew Zac was struggling with pain but when he left me I was devastated and lost. His Beloved was so upset we just held each other and cried. For the first few nights I couldn’t sleep and I spent the nights crying until I became so upset I howled. His Beloved got up to comfort me. She was lucky, she has her beloved to hold her, I had no-one.

It has been a week now and the aching, raw pain has eased a bit. I am doing more with his Beloved than I used to. I sleep outside their bedroom door and I can hear them breath at night which helps me.

I go in the car to the shops rather than stay in the house by myself. I have even walked to the village but that upset all of us because we knew how much Zac would have loved it.

I am having to grow up and think about things a little more. At the dog park I don’t leave his Beloved, I don’t feel safe yet. I am not sure if I ever will.

Our favourite seat

In the evenings there is no competition for his Beloved’s lap, but I only sit on her for a short time. Somehow even her cuddles aren’t the same without Zac. And although I watch the television I haven’t the heart to run and bark at the things I see because I know he isn’t with me and most of the fun was winding him up!

I am forced to reflect that I did not give him a very peaceful time and I am sorry for that.

His Beloved is finding the house very quiet with just me. I know that, but at the moment I cannot be happy and bouncy and I am not even interested in treats or dinner. Everyone tells me it will come. I am in no hurry.

I know that his Beloved and I see Zac in many places around the house, the garden and even the dog park. We would give anything to have him walk through that door but he will not.

I know he has gone before me over that rainbow bridge and one day I will catch up with him again and then I will feel whole once more. I will be able to tease him and this time, because he will not have pain, he will be able to chase me like he could when I was a pup. And if there are television screens over the rainbow bridge I know he will be watching one of his favourite shows, ‘Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.’

In the meantime his Beloved and I have to readjust. Have to get used to the silence and have to learn to work together – just us – alone.

Advertisements

Author: Zena

I am The Princess (aka Zena), niece of Zac the All Black and awesome Tibetan Terrier who took me in when I was just a six week pup and tried to teach me all he knew. When I was six and he was eight, Zac crossed over the rainbow bridge and all of a sudden I was alone. I could no longer be the ditzy, happy-go-lucky pup that I had been. This is a diary of how one Princess managed when the world turned real.

18 thoughts on “The First Week Without Zac

  1. It is so lovely to hear from you.

    • Thanks, we weren’t sure that our friends would get updates, looks like you do. We are slipping quietly back on in order to comment and keep in touch. We’ll see if it goes anywhere after that.

  2. Youz had me fooled..Whenz you popped over, I didn’t realise it waz our beautiful Princess Zena..Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…You guyz willz be a fine team..just willz take a little time…baby steps…Wez soooo happy 🙂 xx00xx

    • His Beloved couldn’t bear to comment when she kept seeing Zac’s picture so I very nobly stepped forward and gave permission for her to use me. I’m not much fun yet though but it’s good to try to do some normal things. And btw, I am grief-stricken over Zac and I am not too pleased with the last hair cut I received either so I hope to get a few better pics if I’m going to continue on with this.

      • Youz willz continue, and Wez fink youz have a lovely hair cut ( Alfie said, youz looks gorgeous 🙂 and he’z a Cat..well furball )..It’z tough..but wez all behind youz. We love the new page..I just Luv’s pink 🙂 Youz don’t have to be funny Princess, just beez yourself..Luv’s ya xx00xx

      • Thanks for the encouragement – I can see why you are so popular 🙂

  3. I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad, but it’s very nice to see you.

  4. Zena, it’s wonderful to hear from you and I just know that you and your Mom will find a new and different way. Yours will be, not the same, but special in your own unique way. We look forward to watching you grow, even though we understand it comes with great pain and a sense of loss. There is no hurry. You need to work through each step. We are all here for you to talk to when you need to vent – which you will, often. Our thoughts and prayers remain with you during this very, very hard time but we are so happy that you will be staying in contact and keeping us updated. We feel honoured to have you with us Zena!

    • Thank you. Whilst Zac was with me I had so much more confidence. Now I have to find a different way but I will. Already I am calmer, I am sleeping better and I am able to be left for short periods. I am growing up.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s always so hard to lose such a wonderful companion, friend, and family member. I’m sure Zac is smiling at you from the Rainbow Bridge, recalling all the wonderful times you all had together.

    It’s nice to meet you Zena, you’re a lovely Princess.

    • Yes, it has been tough but we know we can’t replace him and are just taking our time to adjust to his loss and remember the ‘stubborn’ fellow he was and the fun he brought to the house.

  6. Oh poor Princess. Zac was always talking about you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you now. Hope you find a way to work things out

  7. Zena, you’re a beautiful Princess and I’m sorry you feel so much grief about your buddy Zac. It takes a while to heal, but I’m sure Zac will be near to comfort you.
    I’m happy with your new blog. Can’t wait to read all about you. Hang in there Princess 🙂

    • Time is helping, though I was left alone this morning and howled the whole time. I cannot get used to being completely alone even though I am safe and warm in the house.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s